How sisters deal with the fame of their sisters
Ebony Dec, 1991, Laura B. Randolph
"Our father sat us down and told us how we had to always be each other's best friend ... and I know this sounds corny but I can remember the strength in Sharon's eyes," recalls Wiley "They were so penetrating. It was clear she was taking his always-stick-together instructions very seriously and from that day on, Sharon assumed responsibility for me. We have always been the constant in each others lives."
When Black women talk about their sisters, most describe just such an inviolable bond. When, for instance, janet Hubert-Whitten was a penniless actress struggling to make it in New York, it was her older sister, Shirley, who kept her going with funds and faith ("She would send me money I know she didn't have to give"). "Shirley always believed I would make it someday, even when I didn't, " says The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air star. "She would come to any state she could to see whatever show I was doing. She would drive for six or seven hours to be there. And even when things were very bad, she never once said to me, Look, why don't you give this up and get a real job?' For 17 years, she kept the faith. "
That kind of loyalty, that believe-inyou-when-nobody-else-does faith of a sister, is why every "sister celebrity" interviewed said her success is made infinitely sweeter just be having a sister with whom to share it.
Last November, when opera diva Kathleen Battle learned she would be performing at Carnegie Hall, the Grammy-winning superstar called her older sister, Lela Perry, in Ohio and sang the Spirituals that, months later, would bring a star-studded audience to their feet. "She sang Motherless Child and Swing Low," recalls Lela Perry of that unforgettable long-distance private concert. "It was so beautiful. "
Lisa Russell, the younger sister of actress Kimberly Russell, says she and Kimberly have always been "best friends, inseparable." And even though neither of them knew it at the time, they were preparing for their adult careers from the time they were little girls performing elaborate dramas in the bedroom they shared growing up in Brooklyn. "Everyday we'd pick a character we wanted to play, " recalls Lisa who, like Kimberly, is an actress and shares an apartment with her sister in Los Angeles.
But it isn't just those kinds of irreplaceable memories that make sister relationships special. For Black women in the spotlight, sisterhood is also a rare and precious sanctuary from the glare of an often unkind public; a priceless harbor of understanding during storms of pain. Actress Robin Givens will be the first to tell you that it was her younger sister, Stephanie, who helped keep her sane during the torment-filled months following her highly publicized divorce from ex-heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. "Stephanie was always there for me when it was at its roughest," says Robin of the post-divorce months in which she endured a torrent of public hatred and her own private hell.
Though Stephanie's support meant the world to Robin, "being there" just didn't seem enough to 24-year-old Stephanie. She wanted desperately to find a way to ease her sister's pain.
From the time we were little girls I always felt like I was Robin's protector," says Stephanie. "I can remember when we were small, Robin didn't like milk. But she would drink it if I tasted it for her first. We've just always had this understanding that I would always look out for her. But in [the Tyson] situation, it was like, God, what do you do?' For the first time, there was nothing I could do except be strong enough to tell her she had to be strong. It was very hard because it was just a helpless situation for everyone.
Sometimes when circumstances seem hopeless, a sister's intervention can mean the difference between a dream dashed or fulfilled. When, for instance, supermodel Beverly Johnson first told her father she wanted to go to New York to become a model, his response was swift and sure: No way. As girls, we weren't even allowed to fall down and get hurt," explains Sheilah Wright, Johnson's older sister. "I said, `Beverly, Dad won't even let you go around the comer so (New York] is out of the question."' Still, Wright didn't want to see Beverly's dream dashed until her sister at least got a shot, so she went to her father to plead Beverly's case. "I said, Dad, look. It's a chance in a million. The kid wants to try. I'll take her to New York. We'll stay in a hotel and more likely than not it won't turn into anything. But if you don't let her go, it will always be in the back of her mind. "' Her father relented, and it was that trip that launched Beverly's history-making career.Sometimes a sister's intercession can salvage more than a career. Sometimes, it saves a soul. The death of her mother when she was just an infant left veteran Broadway actress Arnetia Walker, star of NBC's much-talked about new series Nurses, feeling alone, adrift and unwanted. "I come from a psychologically and physically abusive home. . . confides Walker. "Up until I was five years old I was passed around and by the time I got to Shirley I had a lot of problems. I can't remember feeling loved until I went to live with her. I don't know where I would be today had it not been for her. "
Though technically her sister-in-law, Shirley Walker, says Arnetia, embodies the real meaning of the word sister more than her 11 blood siblings. "She singularly .... has always been there for me and I cannot say that of other family members, " says Arnetia of the woman who not only took her into her home but, for the first time in her life, made her feel loved.
Sometimes a sister's intervention can alter the course of a woman's life in startlingly prophetic-and permanent ways. In 1970, when 24-year-old Bennie Wiley was about to enter Harvard Business School, she casually mentioned to her sister that she and her boyfriend, who was entering Harvard's Law School, were planning to live together. Sharon Pratt Dixon, Wiley recalls, was less than pleased with the idea.
"She told my boyfriend, `You should know that if my sister's discussing living with you, then she's talking about making the same commitment she would be making for marriage," remembers Wiley who was in Europe at the time and had no knowledge of the conversation. Until, that is, she returned home and received a marriage proposal. "I was shocked because we hadn't discussed marriage at all," remembers Wiley. The next week, she told Dixon of her marriage plans and, though it was more than 20 years ago, Wiley says she has never forgotten her sister's reaction. "She picked up a calendar and said, Well, Friday looks good.' That was July 5th and on July 10 we got married at her house."
With memories like that, it's no wonder these women can't say enough about their famous sisters. And it is no wonder that the famous celebrated sisters say that their sisters' successes are as distinguished, if not as well-known, as their own. Bennie Wiley, a Harvard MBA and former Harvard Law School administrator, was the finance director for Mayor Dixon's historic campaign and raised the lion's share of Dixon's money during the primary. "Initially, people just weren't looking at her as a viable candidate, " explains Wiley who is president and CEO of The Partnership, Inc., a Boston company founded to promote harmonious race relations and access for the city's minority residents.
A former pro tennis player, Stephanie Givens is Robin's stunt double and vice president and head of production of Robin's New York-based company, Never Blue Productions.
With a master's degree in journalism and extensive experience in marketing and promotion, Natalie Cole's younger sister, Timolin, runs her own public relations firm where she coordinates national press for her multiple Grammy-winning sister. In fact, Cole Public Relations played a significant role in the promotion of Natalie's first and only No. 1 album, Unforgettable, and, say insiders, deserves significant credit for its tremendous exposure.Blessed with the same cover girl looks as her famous sister, Sheilah Wright opted for a completely different career path than Beverly johnson. Not only does the mother of two have two master's degrees (one in education, the other in psychology), she has two careers: a full-time educator and a therapist for abused women and troubled adolescents.
Like Sheilah, Shirley Hubert counsels people in need. A clinical social worker, the newly divorced mother recently completed her master's degree while working full time and raising her two pre-teenage sons. "The woman is fierce," says janet of her sister. "I don't know how she juggles it all. " "Shirley always believed I would make it someday, even when I didn't."
There is, of course, another side to this story, for the sad truth is that the fame of a sibling can often overshadow even the most extraordinary accomplishments. All too often, many people see these women only as so-and-so's sister," ignoring the remarkable achievements they've made in their own right. For my sister, economically it s not the same and I think people expect her to have everything that I have," explains Janet Hubert-Whitten. "She gets a lot of pressure from peers who say things like,
"What happened to you?' It can be pretty mean. There's a lot of jealousy. "
And there's a lot of judgmental comparison.
"When people find out Robin is my sister, they always say, Well, what do you do-and they say it with this attitude," agrees Stephanie Givens. And since moving to L. A. two years ago, Lisa Russell says she has experienced the same phenomenon more times than she cares to remember. "People see me and say, 'Oh you're the sister of that girl on Head of the Class.' It's tough trying to break away from the mold of being Kimberly Russell's younger sister and coming into my own," she admits.
For Timolin Cole, unfair presumptions-not comparisons-are the most painful side effect of having a famous sister. "People tend to prejudge you," says Timolin. "They label you before they know you ... and you feel like you have to prove yourself to people because you're so afraid they'll think you're stuck-up, phony, and materialistic. You're labeled before you're given a chance. "
Such annoyances aside, the rare and trusted bond between sisters is a priceless gift without which each woman interviewed said they couldn't imagine their life. Little wonder. As author Elizabeth Fishel put it in her acclaimed book, Sisters: Love and Rivalry Inside the Family and Beyond: From birth to death, sisters model and pattern their scripts on each other's. They take cues from each other about the way life is or might be, about how to walk, talk, think, dress, about what to fear and what to embrace, about whom to like, whom to scorn, about when to move and how far, what to reach for and why. "
COPYRIGHT 1991 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group Bibliography for: "How sisters deal with the fame of their sisters"
